Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
