We're like a lot better than the average bears
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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