I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
