She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
