I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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