Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
