he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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