3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
