K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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