your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
