last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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