just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
