Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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