you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
