i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
