arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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