Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
