I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
