Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
