No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
