I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
