I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
