worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
