I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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