Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
