dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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