Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
