Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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