we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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