Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
