I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
