Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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