Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He felt like a one man threesome
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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