Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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