Where is the hickey?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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