she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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