things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
