suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
