It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
