He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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