I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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