He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
