im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
