i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
