Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
