hotel room ftw
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
