i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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