I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
