Plan B is the new Plan A
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
