Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
